Because I can and I need some comedic reprieve...

Some R&R for the start of the weekend that won't be too full of R&R. Enjoy!!

mylifeisaverage.com

Today, I was stocking pop at the grocery store I work at. I was driving the cart with pop on it and then I almost ran over this little boy with a play gun, he gave me the 'I'm watching you' signal, I was kinda scared but kept working anyway. About 5 minutes later I was in the aisle and he came down. He pointed the gun and said 'bam bam!' I clutched my stomach and fell to the ground. I kept one eye open and saw the kid look at the gun, drop it and run away towards his mom. I win little boy, I win. MLIA

My job at college is to call prospective students and see if they're interested in attending our college. Today, I asked my boss if I could call them and use an accent. She said yes. Everyone else followed suit. Work just became a lot more entertaining. MLIA

Today, my dad and I were at Walmart. I randomly started yelling at the top of my lungs "I don't know you! Help, I need an adult!" and started running away. My dad ran after me with the cart, "Wait! I just want a hug!" I love you daddy. MLIA

Today, my mom told me that PMS is like a dementor. It sucks the happiness of everyone around, but chocolate makes it all better. MLIA

Today my phone told me that I got a text at 10:43. It was 10:39 when I got the text. I am officially getting texts from the future. MLIA

Today, I got a letter in the mail. Folded up inside a piece of paper was a 20 dollar bill. The paper said "You're probably low on money in this awful economy. Here's 20 bucks, please don't become a prostitute." Thanks, Grandma. MLIA.

Today, I learned that Texas has a Safe Cupcake Amendment that prohibits the banning of cupcakes. I'm glad my state understands the power of the cupcake! MLIA

Today, I was walking around Target and received a text message. My phone lost service when I tried to send my reply. So, I threw my phone up in the air, to get service, my message sent. MLIA

Today, my six-year-old neice and I went to the park. While we were there, a boy about her age comes over and tells her that she looks like Hannah Montana. She kicked him. I'm glad she knows when she's been insulted.

***This one is a gem!!!***
A week ago, I got a new cell phone number. The person who had my cell number before me apparently worked at some big power company and I was getting lots of calls from them asking me what they should do. I usually hung up on them, until yesterday when they called and said "Sector two is having difficulties." I told them to shut it down. They asked me if I was sure and I assured them I was. 2 minutes later the power in the town over went out. I feel powerful now.MLIA

Today, in biology class, we were have a pop quiz on genetics and dominant and recessive traits. We have to define a few terms, one being pureblood. For it's definition, I wrote 'opposite of mudblood. (Sorry Hermione)'. When I got the quiz back, my teacher had given me half points for the question. To the side, he wrote 'Don't EVER use that word again' and underlined mudblood. MLIA.

Today, I wasn't prepared for a test so I had my identical twin sister go to my class and take it for me. My teacher didn't even notice the switch. My mom is the teacher. MLIA.

Today at church, three babies were dedicated. After the pastor dedicated the babies, he said, "The choir is behind us and I don't think they really got a chance to see the babies. If you would hold them up, like the Lion King, that would be great." All three sets of parents immediately held their child up above their heads. MLIA



Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did - I'm still laughing.

Peace!
~MW

Couldn't resist!

Ok....so....I decided I needed a little pre-bedtime laughter and so checkedout today's postings for MyLifeIsAverage...I then decided you all needed to see some of these and partake in the enjoyment. Enjoy the feast!!


Today I found out that having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal in Florida. I'm both really disturbed by this and curious as to why this had to be made a law. MLIA

Today, I drove around with my windows down blasting the Harry Potter theme song. Throughout the time it took to drive from work to my house I got 6 thumbs up, caused 3 people to wave around fake conductor's batons, and received innumerable nods and smiles. This is going to become a daily thing. MLIA.

Today my teacher told us she would make adjustments to the schedule because we couldn't be enrolled in two classes at once. Someone in my row suggested a Time-Turner. I have found my lab partner for the semester. MLIA

Today, I was going through customs, and a very scary official decided to search my bag. When he found my teddy bear, he proceeded to amuse himself by making it growl and attack me. I am now much less intimidated by customs officials. MLIA.

Today my brother baked cookies. He put them on the counter to cool and then accidentally fell asleep while waiting. My whole family ate them all while he was asleep and then we convinced him he dreamt baking the cookies. He believed us. MLIA

Today, while vacationing in Florida (I'm Canadian), a girl asked me if Canadians really live in igloos. I managed to convince her that all Canadians live in igloos, wear buffalo fur, and eat nothing but polar bear and seal meat, maple syrup, and bacon. You're welcome, Canada. MLIA

Today I found a crayon called "Your Grandma's Fake Plastic Plant". I know what my new favorite color is. MLIA

Today me and my mom were arguing. She said that I always think im right about everything. Later that day we went out to chinese. When I opened up my fotune cookie it read: "You always know the answers, they just dont ask the right questions sometimes." I made my mom read it. I win. MLIA

Today, I dropped a piece of un-eaten toast out my 2-story window by accident. I quickly looked out. I saw someone catch it, look around, and take a bite out of it. I laughed. MLIA

Today, I was at a pub playing trivia. They announced a special prize for anyone who could sing the entire Hogwarts school song from memory. I was the only one who could. The bartender made me butterbeer. It was awesome. MLIA

Today, I bought a Disney Princess CD. My two roommates laughed at me until a "Whole New World" came on and our extremely attractive RA came running into the room to sing the Aladdin parts while I sung the Jasmine parts. I win. MLIA



Nighty-night!
~MW