HOME, SWEET HOME!!!!!!!!!!

We found it!!!!

OK, OK, I know I need to back up.

So...my latest housing update was a little less than cheery, though hopeful.

After finding out that Panda wasn't going to be able to make the great trek north, I was rather disheartened, but knew that there was something else in store for my next year here...sadly, it just wouldn't involve my little brother adventuring with me.

A couple days later I was presented with an opportunity to get a place with two of my friends: Megan and Justin.  After considering that option and weighing the pros and cons of having roommates again, I decided that the pros far outweighed the cons.

Some of the big pluses:
1) CHEAPER RENT!!
2) Option to have a nicer/more spacious place...with still cheaper rent
3) More outside space for Jakers (a huge deciding factor for me)!

Some of the bummers:
1) Sharing my living space (I have loved this year of just having to worry about me and my critters)
2) Sharing my living space
3) Sharing my living space...

Yeah...I really couldn't say no.

So!  We embarked on the adventure of finding "the perfect place" that satisfied the desires/needs of all 3 of us.  Well...after less than a week of searching, we pretty much found it!  Justin really gets the raw end of the deal - he's farther away from his campus and core group of friends he's been within walking distance of for the last 4yrs...that will be an adjustment, for him, but Meg and I are willing to cart him over to the East Bank from time to time.

We are all super stoked about making this place "home" for at least the next year.  Meg will most likely be finishing her degree in the next year and a half or so, so we aren't quite sure how long this living arrangement will last.  Either way, this next year will be a fun one.

Meg and I already have visions of dinner parties galore...  It's going to be awesome.

It's a 3 story house that has been converted into a duplex, and we get the top two floors - baller.  There are so many nooks and crannies in this place...not to mention a few Narnia closets (as I like to call them - Meg and Justin are now referring to them as such as well...it's a beautiful thing)!

Our official move-in date is September 1, but our lovely landlady said it will be no problem to start moving things in a little early.  Yay!

I can't wait to take lots of pictures of the pre-move-in unit and then show y'all what we do with it to make it "ours."  Meg and I have lots of ideas...lots  :)

SO!  The Lord is so good!  He provided above and beyond, as usual.  How fleeting faith can be in the midst of uncertainty.  This is something He's been trying to teach me about for a long time now: He is in control and He will never leave me hanging, even when a solution seems impossible...even when it seems impossible.

Praying this post finds you all well and immensely blessed.

Much love!

Shalom,
~MW

P.S. - No, it is not snowing here, but it certainly feels like summer is fleeting (high of 72F today, what is this?!)  :(  The picture of the house is the one posted in the ad...happened to have been taken during the winter.

Oh death...

I so needed this:

Watch the full version here.

I had a whole blog post I was going to write-up tonight for y'all...but in playing catch-up with some of the blogs I follow I came across the above video over at The Blair Affairs and all of my plans went out the window.  I've loved getting to know Jennifer through her blog the last month or so, after she stumbled upon my little bloggy and so, naturally...as we bloggers do...I ventured over to her lovely page and fell in love with her heart for the Lord and pure honesty in her postings.  Take a few minutes and check her out if you aren't familiar with her already.  {Plug: she's going to Ethiopia!  Help her out by purchasing one of her super adorable headbands.}  

Anywho, back to the high-jacked post.  I was talking about my plans for this post just totally readjusting.  

Last week was...well...hellacious, to put it lightly.  

It started out with general life stresses regarding moving.  Where will I call home come the end of September?  How am I going to cut rent and still have enough room for my critters.  How am I going to find a place that will be affordable enough to allow me to take on some other financial weights as the fall approaches (ahem...like buying a car...and a new computer...)?  OK, so stressful, but normal.  Everyone downsizes and cuts budgets at some point.  Everyone moves at some point.  It's always a little stressful, but God has never failed me and has always, always, always provided for me in an incredible way.  Sometimes I just forget His faithfulness...how fickle we humans are...

Then came the torrent of emotional heartache as I watched a friend go through a very difficult hurtle in his life.  He's coping well, but it was extremely difficult upon first hearing the news.  I'd share more, but what I've said already will suffice.

OK...so, life is stressful and friends go through hard times.  We've all been there.  We've all survived it.

Remember how they say "things come in 3's"?  Or, "everything happens all at once"?  Well...call it coincidence, or whatever you want to call it, but it held true for last week.

I got news Friday that a friend of mine high school was on a 50 day trip through the Middle East and he passed away last week while over seas.  I was speechless when I found out.  Thankfully my dear friend Skate (she takes such good care of me) called me so that I didn't have to see it on facebook first, but could hear it from a loving friend - I love her.  When I got the news I didn't know how to react, how to respond, what to think...or to even believe it, initially.  Justin was one of those people who you could have met only once, but would have been forever impacted by.  He was such a vibrant, outgoing, brilliant, fun, loving, person.  I didn't really start processing his death until about an hour after I found out.  I was talking with my lab mate, and she had suffered through my multiple break downs last week, and told her what had happened and she dropped everything and dragged me out of the lab to go get some frozen yogurt (Robin, you're the absolute best, just for the record!).  Robin is excellent.  She has a remarkable way of calming people.  As we were making the trek down the hill to her car we were chatting about death and loss in general and then she says to me, "So, tell me about Justin."  It was nice to be able to think back on some of the fun we'd had in high school...from football games to knitting, to random shenanigans.  It was good to remember him.  To remember the life and zeal he had - to remember his faith.  We didn't do a great job of keeping up with each other after high school, but he had still been a part of my life.  Robin made the comment, too, that it's sometimes the  most difficult to grieve for those we might not have known as well, or have fallen out of touch with.  I couldn't have agreed more.  I almost felt like I didn't have the right to mourn him, or to feel loss in his death.  But, at the same time I couldn't stop thinking about it and found myself falling into tears much of the weekend.

Needless to say, I spent much of the weekend thinking about loss and death.  Thinking about Justin.  Thinking that it isn't fair that he was taken so early.  Feeling angry.  Feeling confused...simply wondering, "why?"  

But then my thoughts began to shift. 

While I was (and am) still feeling the loss of Justin, and grieving that, I was comforted.  I was reminded of his zeal for the Lord.  I was reminded that I should be rejoicing that he is with the Father - I should be borderline jealous of that!  I should want that!  I shouldn't be thinking about how it's unfair that the collective "we" of earth were "robbed" of him.  I should be rejoicing that he is walking in glory - that he had fulfilled his time on earth to the Father's satisfaction and that He saw fit to call Justin home.  I should be rejoicing, in the midst of death.

And then, because God is so good and works in such wonderful and mysterious ways, He directed me to Jen's blog and where she had previously posted the video at the opening of this post.  What a mighty and awesome God He is.  He never ceases to amaze me in the way that He cares for His children.  That video was just the spiritual reminder that I needed to fully remember what death in Christ means - VICTORY!

Christ is risen from the dead

Trampling over death by death

Come awake, come awake!

Come and rise up from the grave!

Christ is risen from the dead!

We are one with Him again!

Come awake, come awake!

Come and rise up from the grave!

Oh death, where is your sting?

Oh hell, where is your victory?

Oh church, come stand in the light!

The glory of God has defeated the night!

Matt Maher

Oh death...where is your sting?  Oh grave...where is your victory?  These are the questions I should have been asking from the beginning.  We are the risen church...Our God is not dead...He's alive.  And we live in Him - forever.  Glory!

What a blessing it is to be able to find comfort and joy in death.

And with that I'm going to close.  The week is nearly up and I'm off to WI on Saturday for a canoeing trip with friends!  Can't wait to get out on the water and take in my Daddy's beautiful creation.

Shalom, loves.

~MW

All that I know is I'm breathing....

  **Deeeeep breath**

What a crazy couple of months or so it has been up here in the FT.

Sometimes I feel like my life is moving so fast that I wake up some mornings and I can't remember the day before or what day it is or what I have on the docket for that day.

Sometimes I feel like I'm simply going through the motions and that I have forgotten why I am where I am, and why I'm doing what I am doing.

Sometimes I have so much to do, that I just can't sleep.  I can't turn off my brain.

Sometimes I just want to disappear into the North Woods and simply be and be with my God...I haven't been the best daughter of late.

Sometimes I think I forget to breathe...

But I do know that I am still breathing...and right now that's about all I feel that I can do.

This semester is proving to be busier than I could have ever imagined.  Courses are proving to be heavier than expected (by myself and SW...she's just as surprised as I am, thankfully); the to-do list regarding my research seems to be growing daily; I have loan specimens coming in from all over North America on just about a weekly basis - and, processing them is extremely time consuming; forming a committee is turning out to be quite trying; getting prepped for my first committee meeting means I have to have a bunch of stuff written up about myself, my research, etc.; the whole department is getting ready for the ESA-NCB meeting in March - which means we have to get our abstracts written and submitted by then end of this week, and then actually preparing our posters/talks, a number of us students are busy studying and practicing for the Linnaean Games (kind of like an ento quiz bowl), and then there's always the general prep that comes with hosting a meeting (yay...); we are about to be busy getting ready for the prospective student "Welcome Weekend" the end of March; there are number of outreach opportunities coming up that we students will be busy with; oh, and fellowship/grant applications are all due here in a couple of weeks; oh, and that thing called a social life...trying to keep that one going too; and church is getting busy in the best possible way (we start small groups this week!!).  Whew!  As a result of all of that, I feel like I have been a neglectful daughter, sister, student, friend, girlfriend, etc.  The days leave me so incredibly exhausted that all I want to do is fall into bed and sleep, but I simply do not have the time to do that, and even when I do finally let myself fall into that dreamy bed of mine I find no rest.  I'm tired.  I'm spent.  As Bilbo Baggins would put it, " I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread."  I'm ready for this semester to be over.  Even though I am so incredibly happy and blessed here - so incredibly blessed, I cannot even begin to explain.  I am simply ready for the "lazy" summer (haha...funny joke) to arrive so that I can go home for Mak and Wes's hitching day, play with my moths and actually get research done, make another trip home for when Jake and the Stones come home from Africa, head back up to the FT to do MORE research (!!!), go to Arizona to learn about collecting and prepping leps for a couple of weeks (!!!), help Panda get settled in (he's been accepted here at the U!!!) and hopefully do the same with Jake, maybe take a few museum trips with SW to look at type specimens, aaaand go camping and collecting (!!!) with RH and Frenatae amongst and between the other events of the summer.  I'm just ready to be done with classes, really.

But!  My God is not tired, He is not spent, and I can find rest, comfort, and peace in that promise.  He is never failing.  Even when I feel like I simply cannot keep moving, He carries me along.  How beautiful it is to know that being a daughter of the King means that even when I fall down (which is quite often) He is always there and ready to pick me back up again and help me dust off my hands and knees, pour peroxide and rub ointment on the scrapes, and bandage them up for me.

I love my God and I love that He loves me unconditionally...scrapes, bruises, scars, and all  :)

Speaking of scars, I've been dealing with some of those lately...old experiences/memories/heartaches have been floating above my head and lingering there.  It's frustrating at times, but forces me to stop and remember how much I have learned and grown through those experiences and how blessed I am to now have that wisdom and knowledge that I probably would not posses otherwise.

What funny things scars are.  I don't think you can really ever forget where one came from.  It's interesting to me how different scars are from bruises.  You can find a bruise and have no clue how it got there, but the deep wounds that result in scars are incredibly difficult to miss.  I find it funny, too, that scars don't have to be, necessarily, tied to a bad experience.  Some of my scars remind me of awesome runs on the mountain bike trails, or running around llama farms as a kid, or some of the best performances from my ballet days; while others remind me of running into things or wrestling with kittens at the vet clinic (kittens are eeeeevil!!!  Cute...but eeeeeevil!!!).  Now, those are all physical scars of the flesh, but I think the same can be true for emotional/spiritual scars.  I have scars from mission trips where I saw such unbelievable poverty that pieces of my heart were tugged away, but the experience was so beautiful in seeing people abandon themselves recklessly at the feet of Christ, and seeing myself and the other people on the trips with me grow in their faith and relationship with the Lord, that those scars remind of beautiful things along with the heartbreak.  And, of course, other scars are simply reminders of heartbreak.  Can't be helped.  But, I digress.

Things really have been exhaustingly (it's a word...promise...thank you, English language for being absurdly ridiculous so as to allow us to pretty much make any word we want into a "real word"!) wonderful here.  I had one of the best birthday weeks I have ever had - it's definitely going down in the record books as one of the best.  I was surprised by many of you with little cards and messages and gifts throughout all of that week (THANK YOU!!), and a few are still trickling in!  Y'all are awesome.  I received some of the most breathtakingly beautiful orchids from Jake...RH made me go pick them up from the office and bring them to class with me, haha...everyone was quite impressed.  And, I am very pleased to say, that they are still alive and well in their little vase in the Insect Museum - everyone gets to enjoy them on a daily basis.  I really want to try and sprout one or two of the spikes...I need to look into that or run by Linder's and talk to the plant people to get their thoughts and suggestions on that undertaking.  Anyways, I was also surprised by the Bug Dork crew up here with a fantastic dinner part at Chino-Latino!  I don't think that I have ever been so surprised before.  Megan did an awesome job of pulling it all together, and everyone here was amazing at keeping me totally and completely clueless, well done, kids, well done  :)  Once those pictures get forwarded to me I'll throw some up.  We had a blast...though we all paid for it a bit the next morning...it was definitely worth the mid-week late night.  That Saturday RH and a number of us Bug Dorks took on the frozen waters of Lake Owasso and went ICE FISHING!  We had a great time, despite not catching a thing.  So fun.  Really...haha.  And then, Sunday, of course, we had a rockin' Super Bowl party.  SO MUCH GOOD FOOD!  It was glorious.


This weekend everyone seems to be catching up from last weekend, haha.  We were all rather unproductive on the school/research front.

So things have been busy, stressful, crazy, but wonderful all at the same time.  I'll try to post some pictures later on, but for now I need to get back to work.  I have grant drafts and abstracts to finish by tomorrow.

Praying all is wonderfully with you, my lovelies.

Shalom!
~MW

P.S. - I promise I haven't forgotten about finishing the new blog layout...it was either work on the layout or write a post this weekend - I figured you would all rather have an update  :)  I'll get to it...eventually, promise!

P.P.S. - I almost forgot to share this little gem with y'all!  This little article about 20 Obsolete English Words that Should Make a Comeback is pretty amazing -  and, I vote we start using these words again  :)   Also, MY BIG BROTHER IS FAMOUS!  Check out this little article talking about his new band Shivaree (it talks about some other bands, as well, but Shivaree is the best...of course!).  Check out some of their songs - they are way fun...raw recordings, but still awesome  :)

..::Remade::..

Sometimes I forget Who has made me, Who loves me, and who I am...and why...

Sometimes I wonder why God still loves me when I think about all of the ungodly things I think, do, say, etc...

Sometimes I wonder why God still loves me when I choose to not do godly things - when I chose to not love, to not exercise mercy, to not be thankful, to not give of myself, etc...

Sometimes I forget that I have been remade, and that God isn't finished with me - that He is continuously refining me in and through His pure and perfect love.

Sometimes I forget that the scars I have acquired along the way don't have to be ugly, but that they can be a beautiful reminder of God's amazing faithfulness and absolutely unconditional love.  Even when they hurt from time to time.  Even when I allow myself to question everything because I am reminded of the past.

But I do know this: God never forgets why He loves me, why He sent His precious Son to die for me - to die for everyone - why He will always be there even when I lose my way and lose sight of Him and His love.  And, what a reason to rejoice that is!  Even when I fail - mmmmm, which is pretty much all the time - He is right there to pick me up and love me...even when I try to push Him away.

For those of you who might not know me as well as others, one of my absolute favorite bands is Tenth Avenue North.  This band writes amazingly honest and broken songs.  I know I can always be pointed towards Christ by working through their songs.  Two of their songs that really serve as a reminder of God's perfect love -even when it absolutely hurts- are You Are More and Any Other Way.  This first video below is the music video for You Are More and the second video is the video journal talking about Any Other Way.  They are both really outstanding videos. 

God is always there, even when He seems far away.  He is always in control, even when it seems like everything is falling apart.  We are always going to mess up, but He will always be right there waiting for us to run back into His healing arms...always.


Praying everyone getting ready to travel around to see friends and family has safe, safe travels and wonderfully blessed times with loved ones.

I'll be home soon, family!  Just one more full day and I'll be in your arms!  Oh, sweet Texas, I cannot wait to be back on your solid, unfrozen ground.

All my love, always,
~MW

O, Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is Good...

...and His Steadfast Love Endures Forever. ~Ps. 118:1

Thanksgiving. What is it?
* A time to remember
* A time to share
* A time for family and friends - old and new
* A time to feel closer to the people you love, even if they are far away
* A time to give thanks and praise to our Heavenly Daddy for all that He has so graciously blessed our lives with.

That list can go on and on, but I think it sums up Thanksgiving pretty well, at least for the nutshell version.

I was a little nervous about how I would handle this Thanksgiving, being in a new place and incredibly far away from my family and closest friends. I initially thought I would have to spend it alone, and that made me sad, as I am used to spending the day with my Daddy and little brothers.

The boys and I always start the day off with our "Turkey Day Tiff" over watching football or the Macy's Parade as I'm getting things started in the kitchen. I looove, love, LOVE the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and since I have been in charge of running the kitchen on Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember I always win ("Do you want your Thanksgiving Feast or do you want to watch football in the den?? Your choice!") and the punks begrudgingly trot off to the formal living room to watch their football games between 9 and noon (and then I try to convince them to let me watch the dog show...that one doesn't always work...we often come to an agreement to flip back and forth and they usually let me watch the groups that I am particularly interested in...like the sporting groups and herding groups - all the fun ones! Those are usually the ones they secretly want to watch too, so I think that's why they "let" me watch those ones all the way through...shhhh, don't tell!)...Pops usually makes rounds - 'cause he's awesome and likes football AND the parade and loves all of his kiddos, 'cause he's the best dad ever - yep, sorry, my dad is the best and there's no changing my mind on this one :)

I did miss spending my day in the kitchen this year, even though by the time everything is ready I am usually beyond exhausted, have a killer headache, feel like my back is going to explode, and want my feet to be cut off (yay, tile floors...)...yes, inspite of all of that I still missed it. Quite a bit. I did get to make a dessert for Thanksgiving this year and help out with my Minnesota family's kitchen adventures, though - so my kitchen time wasn't totally in the red. Whew!

So...what did I do for Thanksgiving this year?? I was beyond blessed to spend the day with SW and her beautiful, beautiful family. Oh man, they are so great. I am actually taking her husband's (BZ) class this semester, so it was fun to get to interact with him outside of class. He and their two boys are pretty big hunters so we had lots of fun meats to nibble on AND BZ sent me and some of his grad students (who also joined us for the day) home with some gorgeous venison steaks - WIN! AND, SW sent me home with a pumpkin bread loaf!!! DE-LISH!

We really had a lovely day. I got to their lovely home around 1pm with Jakers in-tow. We did some doggy introductions upon our arrival. Jake and Chip got along pretty well, but Zeke wasn't too thrilled with Jake. I think they would have done well running around the back yard together to get the pecking orders established, but we opted to just do crate rotations with the pups. Chip lucked out and got to hangout with whomever of the other two dogs got to run free - so he had a grrrrreat day. Jake really enjoyed all the love he got from the 16 or so people who were there for the day. I did learn, however, that I really need to work on his jumping...oh man, he was trying to steal everyone's food out of their hands! Fortunately they were pretty much all dog people so it didn't really phase them any. But, I now have another project to work on with him. It was great fun to watch him and Chip run around together in the back yard, too - I love watching him play with other dogs. So fun!

It was a lot of fun hanging out with BZ's grad students. My TA for BZ's class was with us too, which was a lot of fun - I've enjoyed chatting with him after classes and such, so it was nice to visit with him outside of class as well. SW and BZ's family was pretty fun as well, and my sopapilla cheesecake was a huge hit! I definitely had to share the recipe before they all left. Yay, Texas desserts making it to the Frozen Tundra!! :)

After everyone left I hung out with SW and BZ's two boys for a little bit. Hanging out with them really made me miss my little bros, but it was huge blessing to get to visit with them. They are super kids. One is a senior in high school, the other is in junior high, so they are just a touch younger than my baby brothers, respectively. I really hope I get to know them better as the school year progresses - I'm hoping to be able to go to some of their extra curricular events and such too...I way miss getting to do go to my brothers' events.

I finally decided to pack up my pup and head home around 9:30 last night. They helped me cart Jake's humongo crate (it's the one we used for Joshua's sweet golden retriever before she passed...so it's a bit large for my stumpy cow dog, but it works) out to my car and SW sent me off with a great hug and kiss on the cheek. I seriously almost started crying on my way home last night, my heart was so full.

I have been so incredibly blessed this Thanksgiving, by the people here in the FT and by all of you back home who have made sure to remind me that you care and that I am still a part of your lives. Thank you all so much for that.

It was hard being away from family, but it was great being a part of a different kind of family up here. And having snow on the ground for Thanksgiving is something I can't even begin to remember the last time I experienced - it was pretty awesome.

Basically, God is good and hasn't let me forget how much He loves me and has shown me how He knows exactly how to take care of me when I need a little extra help here and there.

I pray you all had a truly blessed Thanksgiving, and I can't wait to see all of my Texans in less than a month!

Shalom!
~MW

P.S. - Way to BTHO t.u. yesterday, Ags! So, so proud to be an Aggie - I. love. my. school!

...Sigh...

...Following Jesus is really hard.

...He makes me do a lot of things I selfishly do not want to do.

...He shows me things about myself I would much rather remain ignorant to.

...And then He turns around and wraps me in His mighty arms and reminds me that He still and will always love me, in-spite of me and my innumerable shortcomings.

...Hallelujah...what a Savior.


--Lately my Heavenly Daddy has been doing some serious breaking and remolding in me. And, to be completely honest, it really hurts. A lot. {Not to be confused with the alot.}
--When God shatters the "perfect little world" you have allowed yourself to be deceived into believing exists, there's a lot of really loud sounds as walls come crashing down, shelves fly off the walls, every last trinket that once sat prettily arranged on those shelves shatters into millions of pieces, buildings go up in smoke while red and embery-orange tongues of fire lap at that blackest of night skies while you stand in total and complete disbelief and eventually end up crumpling to the ground in a heap of brokenness, confusion, pain, loss, disappointment, anger...utterly heart-broken. And that's just the external part of it all...once He starts working on you the pain multiplies at an exponential rate, as your spirit is wrenched from the grips of your carnal flesh, and you beg for mercy. Only to discover that this pain is the mercy...
--When God says it's time to cut the crap He means it and He's not going to let you get away with anything...and that is beautiful.

--How is it that something so graphically horrid can be beautiful? Because God doesn't leave that scene of endless rubble in that state. He doesn't leave your spirit broken and seeping.
--He very carefully, deliberately, and lovingly starts to clean up the mess He had to make of you so He can start planting, building, and growing the things He wants to see in your life and knows are absolutely best for you.
--He tenderly, yet firmly, sets those broken bones and bandages those seeping wounds, soothing them with the salve of His precious blood.
--He heals your broken world and broken spirit.
--He renews it.
--He remolds it.
--He makes everything absolutely beautiful.

This has been my life over the last 5-6 months...He warned me it was coming about 10 months ago, but I put up quite a fight. I knew it was going to be painful. And, even with my high pain threshold, I didn't want to experience it. I thought I could maybe just make a few adjustments here and there and make it all look like I was lining up with what God wanted for me...why/how I thought I could ever pull a fast one on my all-knowing Father, I have no idea - yay humanity... Well, needless to say, I did not succeed. Shocked, anyone? Yeah...I really wasn't either.

Two big things God has been teaching me about and rewiring in me: (1) HE IS ENOUGH. (2) IF HE SAYS "GO"...YOU GO.

1. He is enough.

With this one it was an issue of me wanting to be at a stage of my life that God does not want me in right now. While I may be ready to start a family, God told me, "No." Boo. It was a difficult yet peaceful realization to come to. In my heart I felt one thing and when that question was raised and finally answered my will did not align with God's. So...I took that answer, laid myself humbly before my God and let Him break me. Wow...such beautiful lessons He has taught me. Some excruciatingly painful, but so beautiful in the finished product. I've started working through Jackie Kendall & Debby Jones' Lady in Waiting with another sister, and the things God has been showing me in working through this amazingly honest study are mind-numbing. This is the second time I've gone through this book, and it's like I never read it the first time through.

• My ultimate fulfillment will not be found in marriage.
• Ultimate fulfillment comes in following Christ with reckless abandonment...ho, this looks legitimately insane at times...
• I will receive His terms without resentment.
• Faith cannot be a lifeless ritual - it must be a vital love relationship with Jesus.
• Incompleteness is not the result of being single, but of not being full of Jesus.
• I can never complete another: we were not created to complete another, but to complement. Completion is Jesus' responsibility and complementing is a woman's privilege. I have absolutely loved coming to this realization. We are bombarded with the idea that, even in a society where women are more and more "independent," we won't be complete until we are married and have children (most recent case-in-point The Backup Plan). Thank you, Hollywood... This is SO far off base. If we think we will find completion and fulfillment in our spouse we are setting ourselves up for failure - we are being totally and completely unfair to our spouses by expecting them to fill every last emptiness in our beings. How can one person ever do that?! Living under this false pretense leads to nothing but a strained and broken marriage as husbands and wives drain and exhaust one another. GOD COMPLETES, WE COMPLEMENT. What a relief!!!
• I need to courageously determine to pursue Jesus with my whole heart, soul, and mind - I need to establish a radical relationship with Christ.

Umm...those were my notes from one chapter...you can imagine what going through the other 9 chapters is revealing! I'll share all that later on in other posts.

God has told me point blank that right now I am single. I don't like it...but I accept it, and I'm actually quite excited to see why I am single right now. He told me that He needs me right now...all of me. Scary!! In recklessly abandoning yourself to God you open the door for Him to move in your life in ways that you could never imagine - and, it can be really scary when you look at it all on earthly terms...I mean, terrifying. I don't know what He's planning (er...already has planned...He's God!!) or what He is going to do with me, but I cannot wait to know! Ah, patience...that's another lesson He's been teaching me the last 5 months, haha. Neat.


2. If He says "Go"...You go...

...Geesh...this one has been hard, too - even more so, I think. He's making me go to the frozen tundra. Yes, I want to go.
...But I've been realizing more and more that this is not going to be a breeze of a move for me. I thought I was kind of numb to the whole process of picking up my shallowly planted roots and setting them down some place else after having moved about 9 times over the course of my life...
...But then I realized something: I finally invested myself in a community. That's not to say that I wasn't busy as a bee in all the other places I have lived, but I have truly invested myself in a family here in CS.
...Leaving Living Hope is going to be one of the most difficult things I have ever done...I mean, I think I have worshiped here as much as, if not more than, I have been worshiping at home this semester, and home is three hours away. Desperate to stay much??
...The relationships I have made here go deeper than friendship and deeper than family in many cases - this is the family of God and those ties are not broken easily.
...I don't want to find another church...
...I don't want to find another church family...
...I want to take this one with me.
...I'm frustrated with God for not calling me to go to grad school at A&M. He put me at Living Hope for a reason almost a year and a half ago and now He's ripping me away from them. Why?? It doesn't seem fair. But I have comfort in knowing that He would never do anything that won't lead to bettering me and my walk with Him.
...It's exciting to move off to a new place...I mean, let's face it, the frozen tundra is pretty much a foreign country...and move into a new home (complete with kitty and new puppy...and the bugs too!) and start a new life; meet new people and experience new things...the list goes on.
...But when you find, for the first time in 16 or so years, a community that strives to live as Christ would, holds one another accountable in love, pours into one another, lives as a family with nearly unfailing love (I mean, we're human...things happen) it's hard to imagine ever finding that anywhere else.
...I'm afraid I won't be able to find sisters and brothers who will challenge me in my faith like my brothers and sisters do here.
...I'm afraid I won't find older believers who will impart wisdom and teach like the older believers do here.
...I'm afraid I won't find a place with younger/newer believers who I can pour into and encourage like I have here...
...I'm afraid of leaving the comforts of the Bible-belt. I mean, if we are really honest it's insanely easy to be a Christian in the South - it's pretty much politically correct for goodness' sake!
...I'm afraid of the inevitable heightened persecution (especially in the world of science). I'm afraid I'll deny my God before men... This is going to be a severe test of my faith and devotion to my God. My precious, unfailing, mighty, everlasting God! How can I even imagine denying Him when I know all of that about Him?! I have denied Him even here...
...But, I will go.
...He is with me and He is for me. I'm so thankful for Chris Tomlin's new reminder of that beautiful Scripture with his new song Our God, it makes it so much easier for me to remember things when they are set to music!

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?"
~Romans 8:31-32

...He definitely has me covered.
...Suffering is inevitable (Philippians 1:29, 2 Timothy 3:12, 1 Peter 2:21, etc...), but endurance comes from suffering...as long as I rest in the Lord nothing will be unbearable, but rather I am looking forward to rejoicing in all things!

I've been extremely conflicted lately. I've allowed the Enemy to weasel his way into my mind and I've allowed him to deceive me.

I've knowingly believed his lies...why do we do this to ourselves?! Why do we allow ourselves to believe Satan when we know he is feeding us lies dripping with poison?!

I hate being human.

Come, Lord Jesus!

I've allowed myself to believe Satan's lies about my personal worth, about God's mightiness and provision...allowing Satan to enter in definitely makes it more difficult to willingly and joyfully follow God's commands and call.

This song, By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North (along with Healing Begins), is another sweet reminder to my soul right now: no matter how much I might forget that God is in control and so try to do things on my own He will always love me and always be by my side:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

...Sigh...

God never ceases to amaze me. Even in all of my uncertainties and pain right now He has placed my spirit in an amazing state of peace. It's been mind blowing to begin to understand the difference between what I feel in my flesh and what I feel in my spirit - they are worlds apart and so often conflicting, which can be confusing, but therein lies the beauty of resting in God's powerful hands. He's still refining me...I promise He is nowhere near being done...I'm still bleeding too much, fires are still smoldering, debris is still scattered...but new life is growing, foundations are being laid, wounds are beginning to heal, bones are beginning to re-grow. It's painfully beautiful. {Whatever You're Doing = my anthem (I know...I have a lot of those right now)...thank you Sanctus Real!!} I'm still broken, but I'm being re-built God-times stronger. Glory!

And with that I will close. Be blessed in our Savior.

Shalom,
~MW

Yes, yes, I know...

****SEE EDIT AT END!!****

...It has been way too long since I last updated and I promised you all an update on the Minnesota trip, and, and, and...I know... So, here goes! Hold on to your horsies, kiddies - a fast and furious ride, this entry will be. {Haha, do you like how I just intertwined prairie with The Fast & The Furious with Starwars...blissfully awesome}

Minnesota! {Now to lovingly be referred to as The Frozen Tundra}
So, most of you are up to date on the fact that I went to Minnesota for The U's prospective grad student "Welcome Weekend" a few weeks ago. Now for how awesomely God moved over the course of 2.16 days {Exact enough for you??}:

* I arrive at the airport circa 8:30/8:45pm to be greeted by one of the faculty members {who also happens to be the woman I have been corresponding with and dying to work with...let's call her Lep} with a hug. Yes, a hug!! How awesome is that?! For those of you who know me in "real life" you know how much of a hug person I am. For those of you who only know me via the interwebs...I LOVE HUGS...like, seriously. I could hug people all day and it would never get old. So, if you ever need a hug, I'm your gal! ;) Anyways, back to the story...

* From the airport I am shuttled around the sleepy "town" to my host's apartment. I was kind of nervous about staying with an ento student who I didn't know...cause, if any of you know any ento students, well, then you know that we can be a little, er...odd. Haha. But, fortunately, Robin was absolutely delightful. A lifelong Minnesotan {I guess I should find out if that's what they are really called...haha}, a non-ento undergrad degree, and a current ento PhD student - we got along quite nicely. So that was another blessing to ease my nerves a bit.

* Day one of the "Welcome Weekend" began with a meet & greet amongst the other students who were there interviewing {I was like 2min late, because the bus was running late, and I missed all of the introductions...I felt so small!!}. Then we were presented with a talk on the Ento Department and the program itself - you know one of those selling presentations: here's our awesome history, what we are doing now, and why you should come here...cause we're that awesome. In all honesty, it was pretty interesting and nicely executed. Oh man, then they showed us their insect collection/museum!!! We all nerded-out hardcore...this thing is immaculate and HUGE!! They said it's the 2nd largest collection in the US, either on a university campus or overall...I can't remember which one it was exactly...either way, that's amazing - and it was SO COOL!

* Now begins day one of interviews. To my pleasant surprise it was all a double-sided interview. Not only was the department and it's faculty interviewing us as candidates for their program, but we were also interviewing them to see if they really were as awesome as we thought, basically. I met with 7...yes, 7 professors in one day. 7! Each meeting was about 30min long...and they became increasingly more exhausting. Saying the same thing about yourself over and over again and trying to be just as excited about it each time and then asking the same questions and hearing what that many people study and what they are involved in and what they do outside of research/teaching....geeeeeez! It was an incredible experience, but just as incredibly exhausting.

* Highlights of day one: That afternoon I met with...hmm, let's call him Tricho. Anywho, we were having an awesome visit and then he asks me if Lep has talked to me about him being a co-advisor for me. No...she hasn't mentioned that. He goes on to explain that he would like to advise me alongside Lep so that when she is detained by her 20billion other commitments I will still have someone on hand to provide guidance in my research should I need it. And that he was very excited to work with me throughout the next few years if I didn't object. I - was - dumbfounded. Totally in awe that professors have been discussing me and that not one, but TWO professors want to advise me. Wait, what?? Is this real life?! Um, yeah...it totally happened. In all honesty, I'm still in shock. I of course did not and do not object to this! What a blessing! Having more than one major professor can be a bad thing, but in this situation it will be awesome. Oh yeah...and dinner was spectacular...I already have a new
{though pricey!!} addiction, haha.

* Day two was a bit more chill - thank the Lord! I was totally wiped after day one. But, day two was by far the most exciting: Lep and I finally got to sit down one-on-one (well, with the inclusion of her recently graduated PhD student) and discuss my/our future as far as the next few years are concerned.

{Side-note: the few weeks leading up to my trip to MN were insane. I had really started to doubt what my motives for going to grad school were: Is this something I am just wanting to do so that I can say, "I have my master's in Entomology..."; or is this something that am following after the Lord in, in an effort to glorify Him with my life? I was wondering if maybe I shouldn't just go get my teaching certification and just head straight into teaching after my awesome experience subbing at PCA... Overall, I was very confused and was pleading with the Lord to grant me some inkling of direction, clarity, anything. I mean, I would have been happy with as little as a weird feeling, or something as minuscule as that. I was trusting in the knowledge of God's never failing faithfulness (yes, I know that is a rather redundant and repetitive statement, but it was intentional) that He would grant me some sort of something during my time in MN. Not only did He grant me an inkling, but He handed me a silver platter...all I had to do was accept it. How's that for a teaser?!}

So, we get to visiting, she shows me her lab, and all that jazz, and things are going smoothly. Then we get to talking about the grant, which includes talking about the project. Let me just say this: I'm jealous of myself, haha! No, but really, this project is beyond cool and I have huge opportunities to experience some once-in-a-lifetime things while I work on it. I'm stoked. {I'll fill you all in on some more specifics of the project later on...} So, I'm getting very excited as she is describing the history behind the project and everything it entails, and then she says this to me, "Now, I'd like to propose something else to you... {At this point God whispered, pretty loudly, to be honest, "Listen closely, Heather...this is important. Listen."} What would you say to getting a minor in Museum Studies while you are here?" Intrigued, I respond, "Sounds interesting...what all would that entail?" "For you, you would get a minor with an emphasis on education. So, you would take classes geared towards creating and implementing educational outreach programs through the museum setting. And, you would also take some curatorial classes just to learn the basics behind maintaining and building collections. There is also a built-in semester-long {I think that's how long she said it is} internship at one of the museums here in town {there are a ton of museums there}...most likely working on a current or developing a new outreach program with the staff...." OH MY BUSINESS!!! Are you kidding me?! Did she really just ask me if I wanted to learn how to be an outreach educator AND get experience doing that as class credit!??! HECK YES I WANT TO MINOR IN MUSEUM STUDIES WITH AN EMPHASIS ON EDUCATION!!!!!!! If you can't tell I'm beyond being ridiculously excited about this unreal opportunity God just dropped in my lap. That silver platter I mentioned above...I definitely accepted it. I wish I could have recorded my souls reaction for all of you as Lep was telling me about an opportunity to obtain an insane foundation for entering the education world. I was dancing with the Holy Spirit - haha, it was amazing. Needless to say, God granted me, ever so graciously, the direction and clarity I needed to know that He has indeed prepared this path for me. I cannot wait to see how He grows me throughout my time at The U. I'll be there for about 3yrs...yikes, that's a lot of intense winters in The Frozen Tundra, haha. Not too shabby - I'm excited to go on this adventure with my Heavenly Daddy. It's gonna be off the heezy fo sheezy! I mean, don't get me wrong, it's going to be beyond challenging, but it will all be so worth it. I'm stiz-oked!

So, that was Minnesota!

Of late! So...lately I have been working on some senior pictures with the J-Man. It has been SO fun! Mostly because it has given me a good excuse to spend time with my lil bro, and secondly because B loaned me his Rebel to play around with...soooo nice - I'm gettin' one! Haha. I'm in editing mode right now...it's pretty fun! I'll throw some up when I have more processed.

A rant! Haha, this is about to be another hold on to your horses moment, get excited. I'm not sure how many of you saw my post on Easter & Chocolate, but this is along those lines... My dear friend J-Hump, husband to my lovely Ricci of The Humphrey Happenings and Sweet like Spice, posted a ROCKIN' update to his blog Josh's Projects and Plans. {Do you think I included enough links in those two sentences?? Haha.} Each and every one of you needs to go read it - Christian or not. We all really need to stop and think about what we are purchasing, where it is coming from, how it is being made/processed, and whose hands are making/processing these things we are purchasing. I'll keep my ranting to a min so you can spend more time reading through J-Hump's...he executed his rant beautifully.

{Side note: For any of you guys out there who are desiring to be real men as opposed to the commonality found in our culture today of men being chick-dudes (© Butch Smith), I would encourage you to bookmark/follow Josh's Projects and Plans, as he is planning on addressing this issue on a weekly basis - it's going to be intense, y'all. But I can honestly tell you that Josh is a good man to seek counsel from in this area - living up to being a true man of God is something he definitely strives for.}

Oh, and back to the rant real quick, if any of you are looking for places to get good foods in an honest and raw way, check out this site for farms/ranches in your area: Slow Food.



Ok, I have officially spent too much time at the computer today...so now I will close. I feel like I'm forgetting to tell you about something or to talk about something, though...hmmm... Well, my beloved readers, if I remember I'll throw in an edit on this post or, most likely, devote a whole post to whatever it was I'm forgetting. That's all for now!

Shalom!
~MW



EDIT: I remembered what I was going to tell you all about earlier!! I kind of started to in my rant, but never really explained it...wooops! Anywho, I was going to tell you all about the lovely Ricci's new project/shop Sweet Like Spice. She has started making her darling camera strap covers to SELL! Guys, I know you might not be as pumped about this as us ladies might be, but hey...if you have a photographer mom, sister, friend, gf, fiance, wife...makes a great a gift! Hop on over tell her hello! Like I said, she's just getting started so show her some love and bear with her as she gets everything up and running. Also, if you act quickly there is a giveaway happening for one of Ricci's creations through Palermo Photography. Check it out!!

Life = Emotional Roller-coaster....

Up...and down...Up...and down...

* One week and two days ago I was in quite the state of inner turmoil...I had NO idea what direction I was supposed to take my life and was having some painful issues of the heart.

* By the close of that Monday my heart issues were coming to their full painful fruition, while God was simultaneously showing me that all I need is Him, and all I have to do is trust Him in faith. He really does have everything under control (see previous post).

* Two days after that crazy Monday God dropped me in the middle of the world of academia for a few days and basically told me what to do (no worries, I'll give a full post on my trip to the Land of 10,000 Lakes soon)...I was on such an emotional high that I could hardly even react! Weird feeling, to say the least.

* So, in a short 5 days' time I was broken & mended, lost & directed. Pretty crazy, but I started this week on a crazy high, especially after getting to spend some good times helping out and hanging out for J-Hump's bday.

* Monday rolls around...I'm thinking, "This is going to be an awesome day! I have the Humphrey home all to myself to simply decompress and -STOP-...does life get any better than this?? And I can go play with peeps should I feel up to it...not to mention Hope Group!!" That was my day in my head...and for the most part, that's exactly how it went down. I caught up on emails and such most of the day, grabbed a late lunch and spent the afternoon with Alyssa, grabbed the Humphreys (Curb-side service! Talk about perfect timing!) for Hope Group and off we went to invest in and be invested in by our brothers and sisters in the Lord (such an incredible blessing). Business as usual, I would say. Then it starts to shift.

* Got a somewhat vague text message seeming to grant me condolences...I'm thinking, "What on earth?? What happened??" I quickly head out to the garage and call the 'rents. Finally get an answer at the house and mom informs me that Grandma (dad's mom) went into cardiac arrest after her dialysis treatment that morning and that she was currently on life support at the hospital. "I'm sorry, what?? Did I really just hear that correctly??" Yes, I had heard her correctly; my grandmother was dying and there was nothing I could do about it and I had no way of getting to California to see her. My dad flew out there ASAP and got there in time to see her and say goodbye. They eventually switched her to just a ventilator (respirator? I can't remember which it was) and took her off that, I guess around the time my dad got there. I think the time frame there-after was 10-12hrs.

* Grandma went home to be with our Maker around 1pm central time (11am pacific). My dad said it was a peaceful death and even more so knowing that she is in the arms of our dear Savior. Glory! Isn't it strange how even in the face of trials, loss, and hurts we are called to rejoice in the Lord? Isn't it strange how in some cases rejoicing comes almost as though it were second nature? I pray that rejoicing and giving thanks and praise to God in all things truly becomes something I don't even have to think about...that it would be like breathing...a part of my being.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

I love the last verse of this passage: Do not quench the Spirit. What a wonderful command and reminder to not do what I think so many of us tend to do without even thinking. We try to grab our circumstances by the reins and in so doing quench the Spirit...I could be reading that verse wrong, but that's what I take away from it: in ALL things God is in control and so we really don't even need to worry about a thing (Phil 4:5-7)...when we worry/get anxious/whatever and we try to do it all on our own we basically tie the Spirit's hands or gag Him, and therefore don't listen for His all-wise direction. Wow - isn't it amazing what God can teach you through the most difficult of situations??

If I were to say that I don't feel any loss regarding Grandma I'd be straight-up lying to you, but I know that God is in control and works all things to His glory and for good (Rom 8:28). I am praying that He will take this situation and draw my family to Him. Many are lost and have been searching for things of the world to fill those holes in their spirits...and, as might be assumed, to no avail. I pray that they will turn to and cling to God in this time of loss and that my dad will be able to be a light in the darkness throughout the rest of his time in California. Anyways, Grandma was an awesome woman...and an amazing cook! She made some of the best Italian dishes I have ever had...probably all that Italian blood that flowed through her veins...just a hunch... She was active in her community, was an amazing mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, even to people outside of our family. In a word, she was awesome. Absolutely awesome. She was so incredibly full of life...a true inspiration. I love her dearly, dearly.

Grandma: you were loved so deeply by so many.
You touched so many lives in your time here on earth...none of us could ever repay you for the love, encouragement, and selfless devotion you gave to others.
You poured out your love as though it were never ending...and it truly is.
That gift is something everyone who knew you will cherish forever.
I love you and I miss you terribly.
I absolutely cannot wait to party with you and our Heavenly Daddy - cause I think we all know that you, ma'am, know how to party!!

Shalom,
~MW

Heads up!

Ok kids, so here's a quick run-down of my recent happenings.

1. Had a fun visit in the CS.

2. Already started working on my farmer's tan...awesome.

3. Have experienced some serious God-love over the course of the last 48hrs...seriously, I'm in awe of His amazingly tender, fatherly care. I couldn't ask for a better Heavenly Daddy. Those moments in which He really allows you to feel His loving arms wrapping around you and He holds your heart in His gentle hands are breath-taking. He has truly shown me that He is enough. How great is our God!

4. While He is showing me His unending love, He is also teaching me a huge lesson in patience and waiting...how so? He's making me wait on Him for direction in my life choice...SO HARD! He has shown me two very distinct and very good pathways that I have before me...both of which, ultimately lead to, in essence, the same result...haha, awesome. So it's a matter of choosing the "best" one now. But, which one is the "best" one?!?! I don't know, and I don't know that He is going to give me a crystal clear answer, but I am confident in Him, and believe that He will grant me some inklings this week. (See #5!)

5. In just a few short hours I will be boarding a plane and hitting the skyways to the Land of 10,000 Lakes! That's right, I'm finally going for my prospective grad student informational/meet-n-greet visit. I was informed this morning that there are 9 professors who want to meet with me...um...wait, what?? Yeah...9! I'm kind of freaking out and now have a lot of homework to do between now and the time I land...I only know who 3 of them are!!! Snap! But, it will be good. And I know that the Lord is going to reveal things to me this weekend, or at least give me something that will make sense later on down the road.

That's all for now, folks. If you have a moment and feel led to, I would greatly appreciate some prayer power over the next few days...I need some serious clarity, direction, patience, and trust.

Thanks, all! Let me know if there's anything I can be lifting up to our Heavenly Daddy for you.

Shalom & Blessings,
~MW

HELLOOOO, Friday!

Ah, Friday is here, yet again! Glorious, isn't it?

I am ridiculously excited about this weekend...and upcoming week!

Come this evening I will be on the road to the San Marcos area with CarrieHammie and Catia to see SKate! We will be making an appearance at the recently transplanted Sherwood Forest...oh, yes, you read that correctly. Sherwood Forest has been transplanted to just outside Austin, TX, and we are going to play in it!! Should be loads of fun and I absolutely cannot wait to see SKate and her new digs!

From there I get to go back to CS!! WHOOP!! I am seriously beside myself with excitement to see everyone again and get some more work done in the lab. We are getting closer and closer to being finished with manuscript number one!!!! I hope we can at least get it accepted by a journal by the time I head off to grad school.

But, from CS I'm off to RR to see Elaine&Josh!!!!!!! It has seriously been TOO long. Ok, so maybe it's only been about 2 months since I've seen them, but still...that is too long. That's just all there is to it.

All of the above will make for a lovely start to my March :) I absolutely, absolutely love all of the amazing people I will get to see almost too much for my own good...but I don't care. They have all been there for me time and time again, through thick and thin...and I would seriously be so far gone without them.

I know I say this a lot, but I truly have been so blessed and smiled upon by God to have all of those amazing people in my life. I can't imagine continuing through life without them by my side...whether we are near or far apart. They are simply the best of the best. And yes, I hereby grant you permission to be jealous of my friends ;)

As much as I might complain about being back in Arlington and having nothing to do right now, it has really been a blessing, because it has allowed me to focus on staying in or getting back in touch with the people who are most dear to me. Friends from high school, friends from college (still weird to say "from college"), family, etc. Huge, huge blessing. I know I won't be able to talk to as many people on a regular basis once grad school starts, so this time now has been perfect.

So, I wanted to touch on a few other things in this post, but my morning is quickly coming to a close and I really need to get a move on with laundry and packing and errands before I hit the road tonight. So, for now, my loves, I must close.

Wishing you the best of weekends!
Shalom!
~MW

I'm still alive!

Ok lovelies, I know I have been M.I.A. for forever. My bad.... I was busy... Alright, so I may have taken the last week off from blogging, just because I could. Lame? Maybe, but I'm back now!

I know some of you are still patiently waiting for my post on resolutions, but I kind of have a problem: I may or may not have misplaced my notes from that Sunday because I managed to forget my journal that morning so I took my notes on a piece of scratch paper, which I cannot find. So, until they post the sermon or I corner Chaplain Willis and beg him for his notes, I'm stuck with trying to remember everything I wanted to remember on my own - it's going to take a bit of time.

Now, for some updates!

So, what have I been up top that has been keeping me from you?? Well...For starters I got to spend the whole week with the lovely Alyssa down in C-Stat. We celebrated her belated bday on Saturday - oh, it was lovely. We definitely made some awesome memories this week. Aside from hanging with Alyssa I was working in the lab with Dr. Wharton and Aubs. Made some progress with some stuff that needed to be finished up, took some pictures of some wasps, you know, the usual. I had lots of lunches with peoples, LOTS of coffee dates...oh my gosh, I think I drank more coffee last week than ever before...oh, no, that's a lie, actually - the most coffee I have ever had in a week was during finals this past semester...that was a lot of coffee. Went to some movies, etc. It was great to get to hang with BMetz and KZhaurova and Aubs - I have missed my bug dorks. Oh my goodness, Friday night was ridiculous: after a lovely dinner with the Humphreys and some quality YouTube perusing, Alyssa and B and I went over to Cam's for some classic signs followed by hide and go seek in the dark...yes, you read that correctly. Alyssa and I were up til about 3:30am...we felt SO OLD!! Haha, it was sad. We experienced a few of those "we aren't in college anymore" moments, too. But it was great fun, and we slept well that night. It was a huge blessing to get to attend worship at Living Hope the last two Sundays as well - and my quality time with the Humphreys followed by quality time with B this Sunday before I hit the road back to A-town was absolutely wonderful. Basically, I had an awesome week. I cannot wait to go back for another of week of work and visiting.

I will say this, though: it was a very odd feeling to be back in C-Stat and not be a student. Alyssa and I talked about this feeling a bit and how it is so strange that it sets in almost over-night. You, know...that feeling of not being in college anymore, but not exactly starting that next stage of your life. There are lots of names for it: time of waiting, limbo, in-between...I'm calling it my intermission. It really is just that to me. The drama that is my life isn't over yet, but it's time to take a little break and stretch my legs...err, brain...get a little snack, etc. It's weird and has its ups and downs, but I am excited to see what growing comes out of this time that God has graced me with. Because really, I am very fortunate to have this opportunity to simply be.

Well, all, it is time to get things really rolling...taking the wee ones to see The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus around 2 - should be good!

Happy Tuesday.

Shalom,
~MW

2010: A Brand New...Decade!

Wow, day 6 of not only the new year, but the new decade!

A new decade, all my own! I was thinking about the last two times I have entered into a new decade...The first one was in 1990, I was just about 3yrs old so, of course, I do not remember that at all. The next one was in 2000. Now, THAT I remember - but, I remember that it was a new millennium, more than anything else. It never crossed my mind that it was the start of a new decade, because I was around to witness the start of a new millennium! Who gets to see that?! What a celebration that was... But even still, at the near age of 13 it didn't really mean much other than it was going to be an even bigger New Year's celebration than ever before. I didn't really grasp the significance of it all. But this year, as we enter into the "double-digits" of the 2000's it really means something.

Why does it mean so much, though? I've been trying to figure that out. Because, when you stop and think about it, each year could, technically, be the start of another decade of your life...technically. It's so strange to think about. A decade is a long time...and yet, the last one seems to have gone by in a flash - even though the first few years of it seem like they were in a different lifetime.

Where will the Lord take my life over the next 10 years? What am I going to do? Who will I meet? What will I accomplish - for the Lord, myself, others, the World?? So many unanswered questions. And yet, having those questions unanswered is OK. I'm not really afraid of what lies ahead. Anxious to finally know what will happen, yes, but afraid, no so much. Do I experience moments of terror when I think about the possibilities and hurt the next 10 years might hold, absolutely. I'd be lying if I said I don't. But, over all, I have a peace about the next 10 years.

"God is always in control, and always prepares the way." This is something that was brought up in my Tuesday night Bible study. We are working our way through the Book of Esther, and that is the general theme of the story. No matter what happens, God is always in control, and God always prepares the way for our salvation. This notion is encouraging to me. And, notion is a poor choice of words, for it's so much more than a notion...it's a lifestyle, a promise, a true understanding of Who and What God is. He is all powerful, all knowing, and through Him we have absolutely nothing to fear! How liberating is that?! Through Him we have NOTHING to fear! Our God truly is an awesome God. He never forgets us, never forsakes us, never leaves us. Basically, He's awesome.

What a blessing and grace-FULL gift it is to be found in Him.

I sometimes find myself getting discouraged and frustrated...or, rather, impatient...with God when I don't see "results". I too often forget that my desired results do not always match up with His **known** results. He is all knowing. He knows what is best for His children, and He knows how much we can handle. And...much to our dismay, He knows how to discipline His children. He knows us. He knows me. He knows you. He quite simply...knows. Wow.

Another thing I do, far too often, is forget to listen. I get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, that I forget to listen for God's responses to me. I don't exactly mean that literally, while I don't doubt that He does indeed still literally speak to people, I know He often uses other means to speak to us...Scripture, other people, etc. But He, in my case at least, tends to do His speaking quietly and subtly. Wouldn't it just be a whole lot easier if He sent messages through fireworks in the sky or something??? Or via postcard...??? Haha. It definitely would. But, then I think maybe we wouldn't stand in so much awe of Him and the ways in which He moves and speaks to us. I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling now, but I've been thinking about this a lot lately, in response to some impatiences {is that a word?? it is now!} I've been having. I want things to happen in my time, but I can't see what He sees, and so my time may not be the best time for these things to happen in. So I will try to be still, and listen, and wait, and...be patient. Oh Patience, you and I have never been too close...wanna help me out a little bit there?? Come on, let's be friends!

Well, now that I have chased another little rabbit hole, I think I will close, but leave you with this:

A new decade holds endless opportunities...let God show them to you. Be still. Be quiet. Listen. Wait. Be patient. Cling to His providence and turn your will over to His. I know...much easier said than done, but we all have to start somewhere!

Happy New Year...Happy New Decade...Happy 2010!!

Shalom,
~MW

P.S. - Be looking for a post on new year's resolutions! Had a great sermon on them at church last week that I think will blow your minds!!

Let us Give Thanks...

...to the Lord for He is Good... (1Chron. 16:34)

Wow. Thanksgiving 2009 has arrived (well, in less than 2hrs it will). I cannot believe another year has come and gone. So much has happened in a years time and I have SO much to be thankful for. I don't even know where to begin. I think I will tackle this list-wise {yes, Humphrey Happenings, I'm copying your format...love you!}:

1. The selfless compassion, mercy, and love of my beautiful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. {I wish everyone could know and understand how awesome He is and the indescribable peace and life-change that comes with truly knowing Him...ask me about it sometime!}

2. Music {I would probably go a little cray-cray without it.}

3. BigBoy {I don't know what I would do without those cuddle moments with him...and his occasional frisky moods where he actually PLAYS **WHAT?!?!**}

4. My amazing friends {You all know who you are; you were there when I felt most alone and when I felt most surrounded; when I was most saddened, and most overjoyed; you have simply been there when I needed encouragement or a wake-up smack upside the head - I love you all dearly.}

5. My family {You have given me the tools to become the woman I am today; your unending support will always mean the world to me.}

6. Chocolate {nuff said}

7. Honey Nut Cheerios/Toasty-Os {Heaven in a bowl of soy milk? I think yes.}

8. Cornelius!! {Even when you get sick, I am still ever so thankful every time you feel up to carting me around town, across the state, or across states}

9. Little Bubba and Tevye {Y'all kids are cool in my book}

10. Black licorice {Call me crazy, I think it's divine}

11. Sopapilla cheesecake

12. Layne's {Oh I will miss those delicious strips and sauce...}

13. Texas A&M University {Yeah, I said it, but seriously without this place my life would be nowhere near as amazing as it is}

14. Festive decorating {I so cannot wait to have own "nest" to festive-ify}

15. Missions

16. Child sponsorship

17. Grimm {The beloved four-legged friend of the Humphrey Happenings gang...I so love being "Fun Aunt Heather"!}

18. Spending hours in the kitchen {Seriously, some nights I just decide to not go to bed and bake or cook something instead...seriously.}

19. Blogging

20. Pictures {I will be a better photographer before I'm 25...running out of time, yikes!}

21. Arts & Crafts {Especially if it's gifts for other peoples...just makes my heart glad.}

22. Gardening/Potting plants {Something about it is just amazingly soothing to me}

23. Hiking around the great outdoors {This includes camping - I love getting dirty and feeling alive, there is absolutely nothing like it.}

24. Sitting with my family around me {The oldest of my two younger brothers is currently crashed on the loveseat next to me, with BigBoy wedged between us - this is absolute perfection.}

25. Discussing the love of Jesus with my siblings and friends {Especially when they get it!}

26. Candles...candles...and more candles.

27. Glade plug-ins Lavender-Vanilla {Smells like my home}

28. Tobias {My parents' newest four-legged family member...probably the most precious dachshund ever - I'm just saying...I'm totally stealing him when I move to the Land of 10,000 Lakes...shhh!! Don't tell my parents!!!}

29. The jokes on the wrappers of Laffy Taffy which provided for a much needed study break for me and Alyssa.

30. Firelight digital short {This can brighten ANYone's day.}

31. My damask laptop sleeve {It makes me ridiculously happy...maybe too happy...}

32. Dates with Mrs. Humphrey {Someone call the vet!!}

33. Living Hope {My walk would not be growing, strengthening, and moving the way it is now without the incredible preaching of truth, example, accountability, and genuine love exhibited there - such a glorious blessing to my life.}

34. Fireside Chai Tea {Gypsy Teas...woah dang, it's like Christmas in your mouth!!}

35. Elf {Need I say more??}

36. The EVER APPROACHING day of GRADUATION!!!

37. PJ pants {There's just something about them}

38. Prayer {Speechless}

39. Breakaway Ministries {Life changing}

40. Mountain Biking {More specifically having the privilege to learn in Rachel's class and getting to know her and her heart for the Lord over the course of this semester - I can't believe it's over!}

41. Winter weather/snow {I'll be with you soon!!}

42. Long phone calls with far-away friends {So amazingly wonderful}

43. Pea Coats {Especially if they are of the plum plaid genre - yum}

44. "Affordable" airfare

45. Long drives by myself *without a working radio* that force me to think and talk to God.

46. Decorator tables {The possibilities are endless!}

47. Being 4.5 essay questions away from being done with my course-by-correspondence!

48. Healing.

49. Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade {I cannot wait.}

50. Having time to sit and reflect on the blessings of life and sharing them with whomever desires to read them {I love reading other lists like this because they remind me of the little things I sometimes forget to be thankful for}

Well all, tomorrow calls for some early rising as I will be spending the entire day in the kitchen **WHOOP!** preparing a killer Thanksgiving Day Feast - don't you worry, I will document it and share it with you at some point. I'm trying some new recipes this year, too, so I'll let you know how those go.

Blessings and love to you all!
~MW

Hmmm...

Hello, all.

So, this weekend has been a strange one...really good great, but strange...

Friday I dropped off Cornelius at Aggieland Automotive to see if maybe they can figure out what's wrong with my little dude and get him back in tip-top shape for a fairly reasonable price... *gulp* After that I got to talk with my dear friend Sam for quite a while, it was a good catch-up chat, and found out that he might be able to swing down to Indianapolis for a quick visit while I'm there in December - it would be really fun to get to visit with him in person for the first time in almost 2yrs...wow, we've kept up with each other for nearly 2 years after spending a mere 5 days together...blows my mind when I think about that. But that was great and then I went to the movies with B, Tara, and their friends Nate and Becca (we saw Men Who Stare at Goats...it was dumb...nuff said), and grabbed some Spoons following a quick jaunt around the Sam's Club parking lot in a cart...yes, that's right it happened, and it was glorious :)

Saturday I did some stuffs around the apartment and went to MugWalls with Alyssa to work on grad school apps (WAY more difficult than one might expect...oh essays...) for a few hours. After that I ran to campus in Dave (Ricci's sweet Explorer; we've developed quite the little bond over the last week and a half or so), grabbed my bike and went to Jimmy's for our bi-weekly bike cleaning session - always good times. Once we were satisfied with out work we ran my bike back to campus and went over to a fellow mountain biking buddy's house. Tyler (our buddy) had been smoking a brisket all day and wanted to share the wealth - it was DELICIOUS!!! And it was his first one!! I was impressed, like for serious. We had a good time hanging out with him, met some of his friends and the girlfriend. After we were all done chowin' down we were chillin' in the living room and in bursts Jeff Marshall...what?! Yes, Jeff just so happens to be one of Tyler's roommates!! What are the odds?? So I went and had a little chat with him - he was all bummed 'cause he had a poor day at the deer lease...seeing as how it was opening day of deer season he was pretty upset he didn't get anything, especially that 8-pointer who's antlers were inside his ears...poor Jeff. Dropped Jimmy off and headed back to the apartment where I watched Management with Lindsey, David, and Lindsey's sister Kelly and their cousin Tiffany. It was a good little flick.

Today (Sunday) has been a good day, as well. Church was really great - worship was off the chain today...total and complete sincerity and humility in that building, for sure. Butch's message was a good one, too. We've been working our way through Matthew 5, and when I say working our way through, I mean really digging into it...like, taking 3-5 verses a week. Yeah, it's amazing. Today we talked about integrity (Matt 5:31-37) - ranging from marital integrity to oaths. Basically it was addressing how in today's world a person's word really doesn't mean anything anymore because we have all found ways to wiggle our way out of doing something we say we are going to do, or on the flip side do something we say we won't... It was good to be reminded, like it says in those verses, that we are to let our yes simply be yes, and our no be a simple no...none of this finger's crossed, or "cross my heart, hope to die" business... I then made my way over to the Humphrey home and took a gander at their newly put-together guest room - it is truly lovely. They did a fantastic job at making it welcoming and giving it a warm, safe feeling. (I'll be visiting after graduation, for sure!) We had lunch, and had a really wonderful visit talking about, as Josh puts it, "real things" :) I just love them, they are truly a blessing in my life...not only are they wonderful company, but they are an amazing example of what it means to walk in the Lord in everything, and they are so willing to give, whether it's simply inviting me for lunch or dinner or, on a larger scale, lending me Dave until Cornelius is up and running again... I definitely thank God for them all the time.

Post-Humphrey time is where things got really weird for me today. I've been very tense all afternoon about something and I'm not quite sure what it is...I have an inkling, but that can't be the only thing that is putting me in this funk. Lately I've really been struggling with the pain of the events surrounding me and Marcos, as it is November again and the 2nd (two years ago...wow) is when we re-committed to try and make things work, and then everything after that just got worse and worse....leading into my spell with depression...yeah, that was a fun Christmas...not! It's not that I want him back - yes, I miss what we had, I won't lie - but more that it still just plain hurts. I gave him my whole heart and he broke it, so badly that I wasn't sure those little shards would ever fit back together again. I've been doing a lot of evaluating of everything that has happened throughout my time in college over the course of this semester, and how different things have turned out from what I had planned/imagined. Once sophomore year rolled around I always imagined having Marcos and rest of the Ybarra family at my graduation and just still having them all playing the roles they were playing in my life over two years ago...I imagined graduating with everyone from my class, instead of walking after the majority of them all...I imagined that I would be getting ready to go, or starting vet school right now...I certainly never imagined not really having a post-graduation plan - I mean I have ideas about grad school working out, but otherwise, I got nothin'...I imagined I would be engaged and planning a wedding or at least nearing that point (this really isn't something I'm struggling with, just something I thought would have happened the way things were sophomore year)...I imagined I would have more of an idea of who I am... It's all just very humbling to think about, ya know? Recognizing that no matter how much we all plan for things to happen a certain way in our lives, we never have any true control - it's always, always God who has the final say. That's something Ben talked about at Breakaway on Tuesday: how James reminds us that it is literally walking in sin to have the audacity to say that "I will be doing this or that tomorrow...in a month...in two years..." Yeah, that is definitely something I do all the time. I'm a planner - I'm a sinner. I don't leave everything in the hands of God, I don't consult Him in everything I do. Everything. Hmm, that was a slight digression, but a good one...back to this afternoon. I've been on the verge of tears since about 4, and I can't figure out if it's the Marcos thing or something else or a combination of things. It's very weird. I have the worst tension headache, I can't hold my attention on anything to save my life, I'm just a mess - and I have no idea why or about what. Talk about frustrating. I've been feeling very alone this afternoon, too...it's all so WEIRD!! I've had a pretty flawless weekend, and so I just don't understand what the deal is... I think I'm going to finish reviewing my trees for tomorrow and go spend some one-on-one time with my Heavenly Daddy. I need His clarity and comfort today. I need to be reminded that I am dearly loved by Him who watches every moment of my life and knows every hair on my head, every hurt and joy in my heart, every fear, everything. Yeah, I'm off to do that.

Love you all dearly.
Shalom,
~MW

One week closes and yet another opens...

So here we are ending the 3rd week of the semester and beginning the 4th. W.o.W. Can you believe how quickly this semester is going already?? I mean granted, we aren't even half-way through the semester yet, but still: Week 4!!!

I'm getting more and more excited and yet more and more terrified of graduation. Everyone told me I would feel this way; but, me having MY plan in hand was certian as to how my life was going to play out this semester, so I had nothing to fear! WRONG! MY plans did NOT pan out and now I have EVERYTHING to fear!! Oh the irony... It would be real nice if God could just drop me a post and reveal to me the plan He has for me...even just for the next 2-3yrs. Somethin'. How awesome would it be if God really did work that way...life would be a cake walk! You would get little posts dropped on your doorstep or flying out at you from your fireplace (that's for you my Harry Potter nerds) that would say little things like: Today you are going to be tempted to go party it up with your friends and not study - don't do it. Or: Go fill out this application, have these 3 people write you letters of recommendation, and turn itall in by such and such date and you are set for your immediate future following graduation. On second though: How boreing would that be?!?!

Well, all-in-all this week was pretty grand. Busy, but good. Had my first Hope Group on Monday with the amazing Freemans and it was truly a blessing - I'm excited to see the Lord work in all of us and bring revival to our hearts this semester...makes me wish I could stick around for a bit longer :( First round of exmas seems to have been fairly successful...at least don't think I failed anything; always a plus. Breakaway, as usual, was fantastic. Second UESO meeting of the semester was, ehh, alright - the speaker kinda killed it, but we had a ton of new peeps, so that was awesome!! Mountain biking was fun, even though we didn't get to hit up the trails: we worked on bunny hops and roll-overs. The roll-overs I have pretty well, but the bunny hops, not so much - it's pretty sad, really. I just don't have the upper body strength for it. I'm working on it, OK?!?! :) Friday I got to visit with the cousing and his lovely family in Austin/Round Rock area, which was amazing; it had been too long since I had gone to visit them. Saturday I had lunch with my bestie, Miss Elaine soon-to-be Ponder, on my way back to CS which was fabulous! I do miss her terribly. Today had an awesome church time, had lunch with my fellow [graduated] bug-dork, Stephanie, and CLEANED MY BIKE!!! Lunch with Stephanie was great since I never get to see her - being that she is in San Antonio. And cleaning my bike was surprisingly fun! I did it with my new friend Jimmy (from mountain biking) - it took us forever since we hadn't really cleaned our bikes before, though his is newer than mine so it didn't take him as long; either way it was good times.

Now, my loves I am off to study for this new week. Blek. I'm so over studying: worst case of senioritis EvEr.

Blessings!
MW

P.S. - BigBoy just decided it would be a good idea to lick up some of my chicken spaghetti (which I made with HOT Rotel this time...) and now he can't stop licking his lips. Poor kitty; I told him not to do it...I turn my back for ONE minute and disaster strikes!