Life = Emotional Roller-coaster....

Up...and down...Up...and down...

* One week and two days ago I was in quite the state of inner turmoil...I had NO idea what direction I was supposed to take my life and was having some painful issues of the heart.

* By the close of that Monday my heart issues were coming to their full painful fruition, while God was simultaneously showing me that all I need is Him, and all I have to do is trust Him in faith. He really does have everything under control (see previous post).

* Two days after that crazy Monday God dropped me in the middle of the world of academia for a few days and basically told me what to do (no worries, I'll give a full post on my trip to the Land of 10,000 Lakes soon)...I was on such an emotional high that I could hardly even react! Weird feeling, to say the least.

* So, in a short 5 days' time I was broken & mended, lost & directed. Pretty crazy, but I started this week on a crazy high, especially after getting to spend some good times helping out and hanging out for J-Hump's bday.

* Monday rolls around...I'm thinking, "This is going to be an awesome day! I have the Humphrey home all to myself to simply decompress and -STOP-...does life get any better than this?? And I can go play with peeps should I feel up to it...not to mention Hope Group!!" That was my day in my head...and for the most part, that's exactly how it went down. I caught up on emails and such most of the day, grabbed a late lunch and spent the afternoon with Alyssa, grabbed the Humphreys (Curb-side service! Talk about perfect timing!) for Hope Group and off we went to invest in and be invested in by our brothers and sisters in the Lord (such an incredible blessing). Business as usual, I would say. Then it starts to shift.

* Got a somewhat vague text message seeming to grant me condolences...I'm thinking, "What on earth?? What happened??" I quickly head out to the garage and call the 'rents. Finally get an answer at the house and mom informs me that Grandma (dad's mom) went into cardiac arrest after her dialysis treatment that morning and that she was currently on life support at the hospital. "I'm sorry, what?? Did I really just hear that correctly??" Yes, I had heard her correctly; my grandmother was dying and there was nothing I could do about it and I had no way of getting to California to see her. My dad flew out there ASAP and got there in time to see her and say goodbye. They eventually switched her to just a ventilator (respirator? I can't remember which it was) and took her off that, I guess around the time my dad got there. I think the time frame there-after was 10-12hrs.

* Grandma went home to be with our Maker around 1pm central time (11am pacific). My dad said it was a peaceful death and even more so knowing that she is in the arms of our dear Savior. Glory! Isn't it strange how even in the face of trials, loss, and hurts we are called to rejoice in the Lord? Isn't it strange how in some cases rejoicing comes almost as though it were second nature? I pray that rejoicing and giving thanks and praise to God in all things truly becomes something I don't even have to think about...that it would be like breathing...a part of my being.

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit."
- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

I love the last verse of this passage: Do not quench the Spirit. What a wonderful command and reminder to not do what I think so many of us tend to do without even thinking. We try to grab our circumstances by the reins and in so doing quench the Spirit...I could be reading that verse wrong, but that's what I take away from it: in ALL things God is in control and so we really don't even need to worry about a thing (Phil 4:5-7)...when we worry/get anxious/whatever and we try to do it all on our own we basically tie the Spirit's hands or gag Him, and therefore don't listen for His all-wise direction. Wow - isn't it amazing what God can teach you through the most difficult of situations??

If I were to say that I don't feel any loss regarding Grandma I'd be straight-up lying to you, but I know that God is in control and works all things to His glory and for good (Rom 8:28). I am praying that He will take this situation and draw my family to Him. Many are lost and have been searching for things of the world to fill those holes in their spirits...and, as might be assumed, to no avail. I pray that they will turn to and cling to God in this time of loss and that my dad will be able to be a light in the darkness throughout the rest of his time in California. Anyways, Grandma was an awesome woman...and an amazing cook! She made some of the best Italian dishes I have ever had...probably all that Italian blood that flowed through her veins...just a hunch... She was active in her community, was an amazing mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother, even to people outside of our family. In a word, she was awesome. Absolutely awesome. She was so incredibly full of life...a true inspiration. I love her dearly, dearly.

Grandma: you were loved so deeply by so many.
You touched so many lives in your time here on earth...none of us could ever repay you for the love, encouragement, and selfless devotion you gave to others.
You poured out your love as though it were never ending...and it truly is.
That gift is something everyone who knew you will cherish forever.
I love you and I miss you terribly.
I absolutely cannot wait to party with you and our Heavenly Daddy - cause I think we all know that you, ma'am, know how to party!!

Shalom,
~MW