Insomnia, dreams, growing pains, etc.

Ok...if you haven't caught on yet...things aren't exactly going all that smoothly as far as the move to the FT is concerned...

And...apparently...I'm stressed?

Yup, I do believe 'tis true.

How is it that I came to this conclusion, you might ask? Lots of little clues.

Clue #1: My insomnia has indeed returned...what fun, what fun.

Clue #2: When I can sleep I can sleep for hours and hours and hours and I am still exhausted...

Clue #3: I've started having dreams (or at least remembering them). Yes, I am well aware that for the majority of the human race it is perfectly normal to dream on a nightly basis, and yes, even remember said dreams. Well, not for this gal. I am fully convinced that part of the reason that I am always tired (even when I'm not stressed) is due to my not making complete sleep cycles...I'm just sayin' I NEVER have dreams...like, ever. Buuut, of late I have started dreaming on an almost nightly basis, and sometimes multiple dreams in one night and I wake up remembering them fairly vividly, or at least remembering that I had a dream...weird. And these dreams are insane...I mean, way weird, kids. Way weird. And, a fair number of them are those dreams that feel so very real that when you wake up it take you somewhere in realm of 20min to and hour to shake yourself out of that weird dream haze.

Clue #4: My "growing pains" are back. I've never really made this connection before, but I think my so-called growing pains are stress related. As a 23 year old, I am proooobably not growing anymore, and certainly shouldn't be growing at such a rate that I am having God-awful pains. Nope. I should probably look into this a bit more, but it just hit me that the last few times I can remember having these pains that, to me, feel just like the growing pains I had as a kid, has been when I've been a little more than normal stressed. Hmmm...

Clue #5: Ummm...I pretty much cry at the drop of a dime. Neeeat. My eyes are tired and burn alllll the time right now. Part of the tears is simply stress. Part is just me being a whiny, complainy sissy who is tired of dealing with being an adult and just doesn't want to deal with what has quickly become a helacious move anymore. Part is out of loss (strong word, but I'm not sure how else to describe the feeling)...not that I'm losing my sweet, sweet friends and family here in TX, but that I will miss out on so much of their lives and I won't get to see their beautiful faces or give them hugs, or just hop in the car and drive a few hours for a spur of the moment visit...or peruse youtube on a lazy weekend/evening, or watch them play volleyball (I know, I'm lame and don't play...but I love watching y'all play...I DO!), or cook with them, or waste more time playing Mario Kart, or just plain hanging out and visiting with them... I won't get to be there to sit with them when they need that shoulder to cry on or just need someone to sit with; I won't get to be there when exciting things happen and they just can't wait to show you or tell you what happened; I won't get to be there when they move into their new homes or make new additions to their families; I won't get to worship next to them anymore; I won't get to go to J-Man's plays or Fariz's concerts... Simple things that mean the world to me... I'm simply going to miss all of you - more than you could ever imagine, but I am so, so grateful that you are all willing to work together the make this soon-to-be long distance relationship work. Y'all are the best friends anyone could ever ask for and Skype = the greatest program ever created (I mean, it could still be better, but it pretty much rocks).

I have been so blessed to have been able to already start Skyping with a few of you - even across oceans! And, to see some of you in person over the last two weeks and I have absolutely loved those precious times together.

Thank you all so much for your support and prayers and for putting up with my crazed self the last few weeks...really, I know I've been a mess and a pain.

Well, I do believe I might be able to fall asleep here in a few minutes so I'm going to jump on this window of opportunity in the hopes that my legs won't hurt anymore than they already do, and my eyes will stay heavy and finally close for the night so I can be at least semi-functional to play with my darling Kacy in the morning.

Love you all SO SO much!

Shalom,
~MW